You should never have your best trousers on when you turn out to fight for freedom and truth.
Henrik Ibsen ['An Enemy of the People', 1882]


Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Eric Idle (b. 1943) British comedian


The next step will be for the colonists on Mars to throw off the hand of the United States. There will be this wonderful historical irony. When the people on Mars write a declaration of independence saying, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident...’, the US will be rather pissed off.

Eric Idle (b. 1943) British comedian


I have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered.

Jean Ingelow (1820-1897) English writer


Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed.
Robert Green Ingersoll


I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not.

Robert Green Ingersoll


Faith is not making religious-sounding noises in the daytime. It is asking your inmost self questions at night - and then getting up and going to work.
Mary Jean Irion


A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

Washington Irving (1783-1859)


Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. … Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won’t stand for that, will we?
Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian Dressed To Kill


We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain." And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's five hundred million of us." "Do you have a flag?" "We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard!" “No flag, no country! You can't have one. That's the rules...”
Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian


The National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, uh, people do." But I think, I think the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian Dressed To Kill


What is it, Lt. Sebastian?

It’s the Rebels, sir. They’re here.

My God, man. Do they want tea?

No, I think they’re after something more than that, sir. I don’t know what it is, but they’ve brought a flag.
Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian (re: British actors playing all the bad guys on the Death Star)


Performance-enhancing drugs are banned at the Olympics. Okay we can swing with that. But performance-debilitating drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and THEN win the 100 metres, fair play to you. That's pretty damned good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar in the distance.

Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian